he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
