I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
