When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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