Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
