Do you still have your period?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
