just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
