You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
