Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
