Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
