I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
