Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
