I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
