dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
