dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
