We're like a lot better than the average bears
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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