Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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