Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
