If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
