I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
