sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there was a trapeze. enough said
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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