We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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