my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
