I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
