Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
