remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
