I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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