i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
