Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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