happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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