dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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