i would punch a child for taco bell
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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