I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
