I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
