i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
