The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
