she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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