If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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