I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
