I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
