I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
