That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
