I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
