i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
