I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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