My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
