? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
