M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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