These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
