I look better un-naked...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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