Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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