The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
