I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize