I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
