can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
